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Challenging Shame

Hey, it’s Juliana!

Do you feel like there’s something fundamentally wrong with you as a person?

If you do, this is called shame, and I’d like to teach you how to release it.

There are four things our team believes you should focus on:

1.) You need to identify what’s causing your shame.

2.) You need to practice determining whether it’s justified or misplaced.

3.) You need to practice slowly adjusting how you think, speak, and act accordingly.

4.) You need to use healthy coping strategies whenever your shame comes up.

If you’re interested, you can click here to learn why.

But here’s an exercise someone in the community uses to do this:

Challenging Shame

Step 1: Regulation

When shame comes up, she uses a healthy coping strategy like running her hands under cold water or chewing sour candy to stay grounded.

Step 2: Shame Log

When she’s ready, she answers these two questions:

  • What specifically triggered the shame?
  • What message did the shame give me?

For example, “I made a mistake at work” and “I’m a failure.”

Step 3: Examine the Shame

She takes the message from her log and writes it at the top of a blank page.

Then she draws two columns underneath it:

  • Evidence For
  • Evidence Against

She fills out both, being as honest and specific as she can.

Then asks: “If someone I love felt this shame, would I see it as justified or misplaced?”

Pro Tip:

When you fill out “Evidence For,” be honest, but also look closely at what you write. 

Sometimes shame turns normal mistakes or imperfections into damning evidence.

But that’s rarely accurate. 

So imagine someone you love giving you the same evidence.

Would you see it the same way? 

If the answer is no for them, then it’s no for you too.

Step 4: Opposite Action

She chooses one small action that gently goes against the shame message.

For example, there was this one time the message she was getting was: 

“I don’t deserve nice things.”

And after completing the third step, she decided it was unjustified.

So, she used a free spa-day pass a friend gave her to gently push back against the message.

Final Thoughts:

There are going to be times when you genuinely believe your shame is justified. 

And times when you don’t feel comfortable taking an opposite action.

But that’s part of the process. 

It doesn’t mean you’re failing, it means you’re trying. 

And that effort is what healing is all about.

To your healing,

Juliana