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Who Am I?

Hey, it’s Juliana!

Do you feel confused, lost, or unsure about who you are?

If you do, it’s a common effect of narcissistic abuse.

And I’d like to teach you how to deal with it.

There are three things our team believes you should focus on:

1.) You need to define who you want to be.

2.) You need to take consistent, deliberate steps toward becoming that person.

3.) You need to use healthy coping strategies whenever you feel unsure about who you are.

If you’re interested, you can click here to learn why.

But here’s an exercise our community uses to do this:

Who Am I?

Step 1: List Identity Categories

Start by writing down the different pieces that make up a person’s identity.

Things like your:

  • Traits
  • Values
  • Beliefs
  • Hobbies
  • Skills
  • Goals

Step 2: Fill Out Each Category

For each category, write down as much as you can.

For example, under “traits” you might put thoughtful, creative, independent.

Under “hobbies,” you might write cooking, running, painting.

Pro Tip:

If you get stuck, you can use ChatGPT to help you brainstorm. 

Just ask: “Can you give me a list of values people have?” 

And it’ll give you ideas you can use to complete your lists.

Step 3: Circle What Feels True

When you’re done, go through everything you wrote and circle the items that feel most true to who you are or who you want to become.

Step 4: Take Action

Once a day, week, or month (it’s up to you how often but the more often the better) pick one of the circled items and find a small way to explore or express it.

For example:

There’s someone in the community who circled “courage.” So he signed up for an open mic and did stand-up comedy for the first time in his life.

There’s another person who circled “authenticity.” So she posted her honest opinion about something she usually stays quiet about on Facebook.

It doesn’t matter what you do. It can be big, it can be small—you just have to do something.

Step 5: Track Your Experience

After you do it, write down what you did, how it felt, and the impact it had on you.

Do this as much as you can, and save all the reflections you write.

Because over time, you’ll be able to use those reflections to guide yourself toward more of what felt good and had a positive impact—and away from what felt bad and had a negative impact.

And that’s how you begin to build an identity that belongs to you.

To your healing,

Juliana