Home / Narcissistic Partners / Gaslighting

When They Rewrite the Story

Purpose:

To help you process, reframe, and take back ownership of your story when someone tries to rewrite it.

Instructions:

Step 1: Write Their Version of the Story

• What did they say happened?
• What did they say about you?
• How did they explain or justify their actions?

Example:

They said it was just a misunderstanding. They claimed I was being dramatic and trying to start a fight. They said they were stressed out and I was making things worse.

Step 2: Write What Actually Happened

You don’t have to be 100% sure here.
Just focus on explaining what you believe to be true as best you can.

Example:

I was trying to express how they hurt me, and they cut me off and accused me of overreacting.
I wasn’t trying to start a fight. I was trying to set a boundary and speak up for myself.

Step 3: Re-write the Story From a Different Angle

Don’t focus on what was done to you, focus on how you endured it and what you learned.

Example:

I didn’t shut down, even though I wanted to. I’m getting better at recognizing when someone is shifting blame, and I’m learning to hold on to what I know is true.

Final Thoughts:

If you’d like to strengthen this exercise, spend as much time as you can building self-trust:

Watch: How to Build Self-Trust After Narcissistic Abuse

Listen: How to Build Self-Trust After Narcissistic Abuse on Apple or Spotify

Read:  How to Build Self-Trust After Narcissistic Abuse

Note:

We kept the examples short to save space.

But please feel free to write as much as you’re comfortable with.

In our opinion, the more detail, the better.