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What I Did vs. What Happened

Purpose:

To help you challenge the belief that the relationship failed because you didn’t try hard enough.

Instructions:

Grab a piece of paper and draw two columns.

Label the left side: “What I Did”
Label the right side: “What Happened”

In the first column, list everything you did to try to make the relationship work.
In the second column, write how they responded to your efforts.

Examples:

What I Did: “Made them coffee every morning to help start their day off right.”
What Happened: “They barely acknowledged it and later said I never do anything thoughtful.”

What I Did: “Turned down a job offer so I could be home more and support them emotionally.”
What Happened: “They said I still don’t do enough and act like I’m better than everyone.”

What I Did: “Cut off a close friend because they didn’t like me talking to them.”
What Happened: “They said they couldn’t trust me because I’m disloyal and heartless.”

Final Thoughts:

This exercise helps you move the narrative out of your head and onto paper so you can see, in concrete terms, that the problem wasn’t you or your lack of effort.

Note:

We kept the examples short to save space.

But please feel free to write as much as you’re comfortable with.

In our opinion, the more detail, the better.