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The Third-Person Test

Purpose:

To help you challenge self-blame during the silent treatment.

Instructions:

The next time self-blame comes up during the silent treatment:

Step 1: 

Lay out your actions leading up to the silent treatment.

Keep it simple and objective.

Example: “I calmly brought up something that was bothering me.”

Step 2: 

Write down how they responded.

Again, keep it simple and objective.

Example: “They ignored me for days.”

Step 3: 

Take the third-person test.

If someone you love came to you with this exact story, would you tell them it was their fault?

Final Thoughts:

It’s normal to search for reasons why you might be the problem.

That’s what narcissistic abuse conditions you to do. 

But if you wouldn’t blame someone you love, you shouldn’t blame yourself either.

It may still take time to fully accept that. 

But now, at least, you have a solid starting point.

Note:

We added short examples to save space.

But please feel free to write as much as you’re comfortable with. 

In our opinion, the more detail, the better.