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How to Overcome Self-Doubt

Hey! My name is Alexandra Skinner Walsh.

I’m a Licensed Mental Health Counselor from Iowa.

In this class, I will guide you through five strategies for overcoming the self-doubt that narcissistic abuse causes.

  • Warning: The content on this page discusses narcissism and narcissistic abuse. This subject may be triggering for some people. If you find yourself feeling triggered, please click here to watch our Trigger/Flashback Protocol.

Alexandra Skinner Walsh’s Strategies

We recommend using If/When-Then Plans to implement Alexandra Skinner Walsh’s advice effectively. Please click here to learn more about this research-backed approach.

First Strategy: Build Your Supports

Deeper dive

Alexandra Skinner Walsh highlighted the importance of rebuilding trust in others while explaining this strategy. Here’s a masterclass that will help you do this.

Resource Alert

To help you put this strategy into practice, we’ve created a bunch of activities. Give it a try – it’s designed to support your journey.

Instructions:

  • Date: The day you interacted with the person.
  • Person’s Name: The name of the person you interacted with.
  • Type of Interaction: E.g., “Phone call,” “Coffee meet,” “Group hangout,” etc.
  • Energy Rating (1-10): Based on the scale you mentioned, rate how you felt after the interaction. One being drained and ten being completely rejuvenated.
  • Notes: Any additional observations, feelings, or reminders related to the interaction.

Make a copy of this table, or use digital platforms like Excel or Google Sheets to create and maintain this log.

Over time, you can review your interactions and identify patterns – which individuals consistently give you energy and which ones might be draining you.

This can be valuable for building a support network that aligns with your emotional needs.

Objective:

To explore past connections, evaluate their present relevance, and brainstorm steps to reestablish potentially meaningful relationships.

1. Reflect on Past Connections

  • Writing Prompt: List down the names of people who were important to you before the narcissist in your life isolated you from them. Think about friends, family, co-workers, neighbors, or even acquaintances you felt safe with.

Example: 

  • Sarah (college roommate)
  • Uncle Tom (always supportive at family gatherings)
  • James (a colleague from my first job)

2. Evaluate Present Relevance

Reflect on each person from your list. What was your relationship with them? Why did you drift apart? Was it because of the narcissistic abuse or were there other reasons?

  • Writing Prompt: Next to each name, jot down your feelings and memories about them. Include any reservations or uncertainties you might have.

Example: 

  • Sarah: Lost touch after college, always had fun times, unsure if she remembers me.
  • Uncle Tom: Lives in another city now, always felt safe talking to him.
  • James: Left the job, never caught up, had common interests.

3. Gauge Current Connections Using the Rating Scale

For each person you’ve listed and reflected upon, use the 1-10 rating scale to indicate how comfortable and energized you’d feel reaching out to them. Remember, one is feeling completely drained, and ten is feeling completely recharged.

  • Writing Prompt: Next to the feelings and memories, jot down your rating. Reflect on why you gave that rating.

Example: 

  • Sarah: 7 – Nervous about reconnecting, but miss our conversations.
  • Uncle Tom: 9 – Always felt he would understand, but the distance is a concern.
  • James: 6 – Not sure if we’d still have common interests.

4. Brainstorm First Steps

Reflect on each person you’d consider reconnecting with based on your ratings. What would be the safest, most comfortable first step in reestablishing a connection?

  • Writing Prompt: List one or two initial steps you might take to reconnect for each chosen person. These steps should be as specific as possible.

Example: 

  • Sarah: Send a Facebook message reminiscing about a college memory.
  • Uncle Tom: Call him on his birthday coming up next month.
  • James: Connect on LinkedIn and congratulate him on his recent achievement.

Final Thoughts & Reminders:

We hope this activity provides a structured way to reflect and plan your next steps. 

Remember that healing and rebuilding take time. 

Not everyone might respond the way you hope or expect, and that’s okay. 

Your well-being and feelings are paramount. 

Use the rating scale as a guide, trusting your feelings and intuition. 

Reach out at your own pace, and prioritize your emotional safety and comfort.

Second Strategy: What Is Your Authentic Voice?

Resource Alert

To help you put this strategy into practice, we’ve created “Reaffirming My Inner Voice: Understanding Self-Doubt.” Give it a try – it’s designed to support your journey.

Objective:

To dissect self-doubting statements, understand their origins, and contrast them against reality.

Reminders for Each Column:

  • What Is My Inner Dialogue?

    Focus on the present moment and recognize any negative or doubting self-statements. Be honest and gentle with yourself. Remember, recognizing these thoughts is the first step to changing them.
  • Who Said That To Me?

    Look into the origins of these statements. Was it a particular individual, a specific experience, or a combination of multiple influences? Understanding the source can help in untangling these embedded thoughts.
  • What Is The Reality Of This?

    Challenge the validity of each statement. Reflect on facts, your accomplishments, and personal experiences that counteract these beliefs. Try to see the statement for what it really is, devoid of emotional weight and bias.

    Feeling stuck here? Remember, your reality is your reality, and that is okay.
  • Final Thoughts

    Each time you encounter a self-doubting thought, use this sheet to break it down and understand it better. Over time, this exercise can help you recognize patterns, confront embedded negative beliefs, and strengthen your authentic voice.

Third Strategy: Recognizing the Self-Doubt and Understanding It’s Impact

Fourth Strategy: Separate Confidence from Narcissism

DEEPER dive

Alexandra Skinner Walsh highlighted the possibility of this strategy triggering feelings of grief and anger.

Here are three masterclasses that will help you manage these feelings.

Fifth Strategy: Know and Trust yourself

DEEPER dive

This Single Class will help you implement this strategy.

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